Lesson #2: No Means No!

When you are studying for the CPA exam, you will quickly become proficient at saying the word "No". Here are some of the No's you might find yourself uttering:

"No, I can't go out for drinks because I have to study."

"No, I can't go see Bridesmaids or Hangover Part II or [insert any movie that looks even remotely awesome here] because I'm way behind on my study schedule."

"No, I can't come to your wedding because as much as I cringe at the thought of turning down free booze, I don't have 6 hours to waste on a Saturday."

"No, I don't have time to work out today, or any other day for that matter. And thanks for pointing out those extra pounds on my gut that weren't there before I became an accountant."

Of course, there's a silver lining in all this: the benefit of not being able to do anything fun is that you have a built-in excuse for getting out of things that are not-so-fun.

"Sorry Mom and Dad, got tons of studying to do. Looks like I won't be able to make that family picnic after all. Drat!"

"I can't go out on a date with you, this exam is taking up all my time! In fact, I don't even have time to give you my number."

"I'd love to waste 3 hours in a car with my co-workers driving to some podunk college town to do campus recruiting for next year's internships; unfortunately, I really need to get some solid studying done. Sorry, boss."

When you're in high school, "studying" is code for "masturbating alone in my bedroom"; but when you're studying for the CPA exam that word takes on a whole new meaning. Whether for good reasons or bad, "No" will be the word you will say the most during this trying process. (This doesn't include four-letter words.)

New Title & URL

In honor of the last post, I have decided to re-name my blog Tax Pants.  Also, by some miracle of the universe, http://taxpants.blogspot.com wasn't already being used.  So I've said goodbye to the old "Four 75's" thing, commandeered the aforementioned URL, and we are now in business!

Also, while I originally started this blog to bitch about the CPA exam, I've come to realize that I also really want to bitch about work, the accounting profession, and my life in general.  So this is no longer my CPA exam blog; it's my "surviving public accounting" blog.

Thanks for reading -- stay tuned for even more accounting awesomeness.

Tax Pants

At this point, I should probably mention that I work for a mid-size public accounting firm.  I work in the tax department which essentially means that I sit in front of a computer for 8+ hours a day preparing tax returns.

Before I started this job, I was pretty fit overall.  I exercised regularly, ate well, and tried to minimize the amount of time I spent sprawled on the couch in front of the television. A lot changes when you start working.  The change is even more drastic when you start working in an occupation whose workload is directly tied to the federal tax deadlines.

Between the middle of February and the middle of March, your life loses all semblance of normalcy.  It becomes a blur of 14-hour workdays, hustled smoke breaks, stolen naps, fuzzy vision, forgetting to eat, not having the time to eat even when you remember to eat, and overall mental exhaustion.  It blows.  Apparently there is a second tax season in the September-October time of year, which no one told me about until I had already signed my offer with the firm.  But more on busy season, and my job, later.

Back to my original topic, which was: Tax Pants.  As I was saying, prior to my first busy season, I was relatively fit.  Then busy season hit and I had no time (or energy) to do any type of exercise.  Partway through busy season, I endured the shameful task of having to hit up the mall to buy myself several pairs of pants in a larger size.  So now I have two sets of work pants: size 6 for busy season, and size 4 for everything else.

Here's the problem though -- it's been about a month since the last busy season ended, and I am still wearing my Tax Pants.  In fact, even my Tax Pants are starting to feel a bit snug.  I went for a jog today for the first time in a long time, and I've started doing weight training again.  It's slow going, however, especially since I have been out of shape since around mid-February.  Looks like until I drop the extra Tax Pounds, I'll be stuck wearing my Tax Pants.

I just hope I don't end up needing Extra-Tax Pants.

Becoming a CPA in Texas: Part I - Education

If you wish to become a CPA in the State of Texas, you've come to the right place! Because prior generations of CPAs screwed up horribly (think Enron, WorldCom, and Arthur Anderson, to name just a few), becoming a CPA is now more difficult than ever. But with a little dedication, endless hours of studying, and a conscious decision to forgo sleep and basic personal hygiene, you too can become one of the elite! Keep reading for a list of easy-to-follow steps as you begin your journey towards achieving accounting nirvana.

The first part of this endeavor begins with getting an education. Don't even think about trying to sit for the CPA exam until you achieve the steps below.

Step 1: Complete the appropriate education requirements as set forth by the Texas State Board of Public Accountancy. That means getting 150 hours of college credit, 30 hours of upper level accounting, 24 hours of business classes, and a Board-approved ethics class. No problem, bachelor's degree in accounting should take care of that, right?

Wrong! You won't get 150 hours just by fulfilling the basic requirements of most undergraduate accounting programs, and believe it or not, you probably won't get 30 hours' worth of accounting classes either. You will have to shell out extra cash for an MBA to get those extra credit hours, or else boycott your over-priced private university's draconian academic policies and opt for a community college instead. I chose the latter.

Step 2: Survive community college. The thing about going from community college to a real university is that you're moving forward in the world. Try doing it the other way around and see what a real kick in the balls feels like. When I did my upper level accounting classes at my local community college, I took 3 classes at 3 different campuses. My most dreaded class was Accounting Ethics - because it happened to take place in a suburb 45 minute from my house, it was 6 hours long, and it started on Saturday mornings at 9 AM. The other students in my classes didn't seem to care about their grades; half the time no one even showed up, which was pretty stupid because the majority of one's grade was determined by the simple act of showing your face in the classroom twice a week. No need to study, learn, pass a test, or even look alive--just be present.

Congratulations, if you're still reading this that means you've survived Part I. You are ready to move on to the next step. Stay tuned for instructions how to survive the exam application process!

Lesson #1

When you're in the midst of a nervous breakdown that causes hours of endless, uncontrollable, overwhelming sobbing, don't try to continue doing multiple choice questions. Step away from the review book, crawl into a corner, and sob your little heart out. Working through problems with tears and snot flowing from your facial orifices is not going to magically start getting you to the right answers -- in fact, it will only make things worse and you may just die of a panic attack.

Welcome!

Thanks for visiting my new blog.  I hope you'll check back regularly for updates as I embark on the gut-wrenching, soul-crushing ordeal that is the CPA exam.  I mostly just need a place to vent and, hopefully, get some encouragement from friends and random strangers.  And if you're one of those people who thinks the CPA exam is "just like the GREs" or "kind of like that real estate license exam", then fuck off...you are too stupid to be here.

Everyone who is still here, please enjoy.  Trust me, you don't want to miss this train wreck.