Do you ever experience a sense that everything is all wrong?
I feel that way at least once a week. It's usually job-related. I don't think I've ever had a job I actually liked. I've never had a job that fulfilled me, not even a little, and I've never had a job where I sat down and thought, "You know, I could do this for awhile!"
Maybe it's expecting too much to find work that's fulfilling, or maybe it's something that's reserved for the lucky few who happen to pick a career path that makes them want to go to work in the morning. Maybe it's a state of mind -- you should learn to be at peace despite the circumstances of your life. Maybe it's something you won't find until you're older and more mature and have a better sense of what gives you purpose. Maybe I am just the kind of person who gets sick to my stomach at the thought of staying in the same place with the same people for too long. Maybe it's just damn near impossible to feel happy or fulfilled when you spend all day doing tax returns and all evening studying for an exam that doesn't seem to have any end in sight. Maybe I need to find a job where my co-workers aren't all exactly the same.
I wouldn't say I hate my job...yet. But each day, it becomes the tiniest bit harder to roll out of bed in the morning. It becomes a little more difficult to crank out those billable hours, in units of .25 of an hour. I live my life by the quarter-hour now. Even outside of work, I can't start something unless the clock shows that it's 4:15, or 6:30, or 3:45, or 5:00. Just like at work...everything must be neatly and conveniently packed into 15-minute intervals.
The fact is, I keep telling myself that soon enough, I can leave public accounting and find a job that will make me happy. But what constitutes happiness when it comes to work? More money? More vacation time? Good co-workers? A boss who doesn't micro-manage? I don't have the answers to these questions.
My attitude for the last few months has been: stick with this long enough to have something concrete on my resume. Then fly the coup for a place that pays me more and lets me take vacation when I want. And overtime pay would be nice. And preferably in another country far, far away. See, there I go again -- asking too much.
